Goodbye Summer...

The lazy days of summer are almost gone and I couldn't be happier to be heading into Autumn. Soon it will be cooler outside and then the holidays are right around the corner! As far as weight loss I am still doing well. I am down 99 lbs and feel a lot better. I had a setback a few weeks ago when I ended up in the emergency room with severe abdominal pain and ended up having to have my gallbladder taken out. It was really scary but I am glad it is 1 less thing to worry about. This summer turned out to be pretty damn good. I traveled a little bit, made some new friends, and started focusing on myself. For so long I feel like I have had to fulfill so many roles as a person that I neglected to fill the one that requires me just to be me. I have started taking some time to myself and have concentrated on not disrupting the normal flow in the process. I have a lot of things that I need to figure out in the future but the best option for me right now is to take it day by day. Last week I went to support group and realized that I need to be working harder if I want to get to that next level. I have decided that I need to increase my activity to get to that point. I have been very unsuccessful in getting to the gym so the least I can do is walk around my neighborhood. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to do that starting tomorrow. (Tonight is our weekly volleyball so I will get some activity then) I have added some new pictures, just random stuff... Til the next post...

Vacation will get you every time!

Yeah I gained 3 lbs. I am trying not to beat myself up over this. I understand that we were in a remote spot, the house was stockpiled with every kind of food (especially food that I dont allow in my own house) so I ate. I am not trying to rationalize saying that what I was was okay because I know it;s not. I am however saying that I think it could be expected of anyone going through a transition in their lives.

On a much lighter note, I really enjoyed myself, catching up with old friends, walking the shops, even did some outdoor activities which is normally pretty uncharacteristic of me. Mom is doing amazing as well. Things are going good and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me!

long time no post

I know I know, You don't even have to say it. My last post was like a month and a half ago and I have been busy. Not too much has happened. Well I got another fill, making it my second one to date. I still don't know if I am feeling everything that I "should" be. Am I eating less? Yeah... Am I hungry? No... So technically I guess I am feeling what I am supposed to but everyone else talks about this feeling of restriction and Productive Burping and stuff like that and I just haven't experienced it so I guess I am lucky. The last time I weighed myself was a week ago and I am down a total of 70 pounds. I am 4 clothing sizes down from where I started and I feel good. I can see the difference in my face like in pictures and stuff but I can't really tell when I look in the mirror because I am so used to seeing myself another way. I leave for vacation at the end of this week but I will try to update on a more regular bases.

My name is Jen, and I am a slacker.

So I know I haven't posted in like 3 weeks and I would love to tell you that I have a perfectly good reason, but, the fact remains that I don't! Life just seems to get busier on a daily basis and even know I need to journal for myself it doesn't make finding the time any easier. Anywho, on with the show! I go to see my surgeon on Wednesday for my first fill. I can tell I need it because I can eat alot more then I should be allowed to. I have still been successful at walking away and making good choices but willpower will only get one so far, so, I am ready. I am a little nervous just because it's something new but I know I will be fine, my mommy will be there! As far as progress goes, I am down a grand total of 55 lbs! It is so crazy to even be able to say that. I feel amazing already though even though I take into consideration that I still have quite a ways to go. I am down 2 to 3 clothing sizes depending on the brand and I love that! This is the first time in many years where I actually feel like I am in control of my future, it is a great things! I included some recent pics from girls night out and Easter Sunday.

22 days and counting...

I weighed myself this morning and I am down 46 lbs since December!! EVen when I did weight watchers before we got married I was never able to lose more then 35. I am amazed at how great I feel. I started back at the gym yesterday and ended up getting tired quicker then I remember before but I did what I could and I feel good about it. I feel like I am off to a great start and things are only going to get better!

sweet 16 (days post surgery)

and I am feeling good. I haven't been having the urge to take any pain medication and the only setback is that I feel like at the end of the day I am really tired. I have been working since last week and that is going well also. I has my 2 week followup with my surgeon and he said everything was right on track. It is just so weird though, I really can already feel a difference. I have yet to experience one of the well talked about "PB's" (productive burps) but I am perfectly ok with that. I am in the pureed stage so that means everything gets chopped up really well and I am doing fine with it. Next week I am going to start my walking routine again because I finally feel ready for it. I am really glad that I made the decision to better my life. I feel better, I will eventually look better and I will be able to do more with Jake which is the best perk of all! I have added some of the new portraits for your viewing pleasure...

I am official!

Sorry for the lack of posting but I have been recovering. I had my surgery 1 week ago on Monday the 16th. I got really really sick the weekend before and up until I went to the OR we were unsure if the Dr. was going to operate. But he did and I am so happy! I am still sore and I can't lift anything over 10 lbs for the next 6 weeks but all in all I feel good. Today is my first day back to work and I weighed myself. I am down a whopping total of 40 lbs since I started my process in December. Wow. When I got back to work today everyone was telling me that they could tell and it felt really good. I will keep updating with my progress but for now I have a week of work to catch up on!

1 week down, 1 to go!

So i figured out how to make the liquid diet bearable and at this point I would actually be scared to try and eat something. My body feels great, almost like it is cleansed. I weighed myself this morning when I got to work and It says I am down a whopping total of 32 lbs. That is freakin insane! I am so excited and currently wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in a LONG while. I feel good too! Still haven't gotten the family portraits back but I will post when I do. I cant believe the surgery will be a week from today. WOW!

Day 3 of liquid diet almost done!

Really.. IT hasn't been all that bad. I am doing the optifast liquid diet and I am required to drink 5 shakes a day. My biggest complaint is that I can't finish the 5th because I am too full. I have been eating hot soup from Arigatos in the evening and for lunch to make me feel like I am actually eating something. I tried to do the tomato soup that optifast offered but I ended up gagging on the first sip and I refuse to gag thru this! I am alternating between the vanilla and chocolate shakes. I consulted with the dietitian and I am allowed to add some baking extract to the shakes (which has helped immensely!). So I have been using pure mint extract and making out ok. I am actually feeling ok (I have my period so I've had the normal cramping) but as far as the diet goes I am making it!

The last supper...

is lasagna! This is what I am having for dinner tonight as my last meal before I begin my 2 week liquid diet. I am feeling ok about the upcoming days. I think there will be rough times but all in all I know that I have to do it in order to fully prepare myself for surgery. I am doing 5 optifast shakes per day as that is what my surgeon prefers and if I have a craving I am allowed broth, sugar free fat free jello and sugar free popcicles. Wish me luck! By the way our photo session went great. As soon as I get them I will post one on here.

It's a date!

I had my meeting with the surgeon yesterday afternoon. He was quite pleased with my commitment to changing my ugly habits and approved me for surgery.. So 2 weeks from monday it's finally my day! That s March 16th, 2009. No green beer for me on St Paddy's day! (I don't drink anyways!) I went to the hospital after my appointment and picked up my optifast and last night I got a personal blender from Wal-mart. I feel great. I am so excited and looking forward to the amazing future that is in store for me. This Saturday we are going to take our 2009 family pictures. I can't wait to see the difference in 2010!!!

ready to go!

So it is Monday and I had an amazing weekend up in Orlando. Words can not accurately describe the concert and do it justice. Sunday I went to a dear friend's baby shower and today it is back to the grind. I have my final Dr's appt 2 days from now. I can't believe this process is at it's peak and yet it all begins again after surgery. I have decided to try and schedule my surgery date 2 weeks from the appointment because I want to get it over with and the sooner the better. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown last night in talking about things with my family. I totally forgot that when I got my wisdom teeth pulled the year before I got married that I went under anesthesia. Hoot hoot! now I am not quite as scared as before. Still nervous but riding the fine line of fear. If my surgery gets scheduled for the 2 weeks out I will officially be on a liquid diet as of Thursday. Yong offered to go on the diet with me to be supportive but I don't know if 2 miserable people in the house will be safe! I will update after the Doctor! Oh yeah and today is my 7 year wedding anniversary.. Does anyone see diamond earrings in my future?

Hi My Name is Jen, and I am fat...

Check out the title, that was what I was expecting from the recommended support group meeting that I was encouraged to attend. I went and Yong came along with me. Was I ever wrong! I was so pleasantly surprised at the fact that it was time well spent, so much in fact that we stayed behind talking about 30 minutes after the meeting. The group was led by the same psychiatrist who did my psych eval. He is so calm and really has the tendencies to control the emotional environment. I really enjoyed talking to the other girls that were there, I got alot of great insight and now have a better grasp of what to expect. This afternoon I go to meet with my PCP for his blessing and then next week is the big appt with my surgeon! It is getting close!!!!

Weekend suckfest

I went to the dietitian appointment on Friday and her scale only put me at 15.2 lbs lost. That sucks, my scale and hers has been on point this entire process so that means that I am fluctuating again. And that bites, as far as the surgery goes I am not required to lose any weight but I want my file to look really good so that when the packet gets submitted to my insurance company for approval it is smooth sailing. After the appointment hubby and I took advantage of Jake being at school and went to the gym, we decided to try the express circuit and see how we made out. Holy hell did it work! We were both sweaty messes when we left and it was definitely challenging. The downside to the workout was that my muscles ached me all weekend and I had to forgo my Sunday workout because my legs were still sore. It's cool though, instead I went to the park with Jakers and my godson and we played Frisbee and baseball.

Saturday night was Valentine's and we spent a romantic evening watching grown and sweaty men bashing each other... Got to love hockey. The lightning lost 5-1 and that sucked but it was a fun night out. This week I have my final meeting with my primary care physician to get his approval and then we are off to Orlando. I am sooooo freakin excited because #1 it is our 7th anniversary and #2 The hubby is taking me to Universal Studios Mardi gras to see Ne-Yo in concert. I can not wait, he is my most favorite singer! I will update after my PCP appointment! Cheers to the start of another great week!

Hells Yeah!

So I had a rotten morning. Jakers was not thrilled about going to school today and the lovely office lady had to physically remove him from my car... I called the hubby to bitch but he was soooo busy getting ready for the gold tournament and all of the b.s. this morning put me on the road 20 minutes behind schedule. I arrived at school and opened the class for my students and figured since I was already irritated that I would go weigh myself in case I didn't see any changes. Well Hells Bells was I wrong!!! I put the little slider thing to my -15 mark and it clunked down because it was too heavy! So I slowly slid it to the left and guess what.... I LOST 5 more lbs! Woo Hoo I am down 20 before I even meet with my surgeon again! I guess that Wii bitch who yells at me to keep my ass movin knows what she is talking about! WOO HOO!!

Agenda for tonight... Take Jakers to church and sign up for the gym... let the anxiety begin!

Monday monday.....

It was a pleasant weekend to say the least. Friday the Hubby and I were both off so we went and had lunch with Jakers at school and then went and spent 2 damn hours at t-mobile upgrading our phones. I got the G1 (Google phone) and I can't figure out how to work the damn thing! Saturday night we went to the hockey game. It was the Lightning -vs- the Islanders and we won 1-0. It was an ugly game but hey we will take a win no matter how we get one! They were fighting within the first 4 seconds of the puck drop! I forgot my crystal light mix in so I was forced to drink a water with my hot dog at the game. Since I am typing this after the fact clearly I made it and didn't die, however I just cant get into drinking water. I try I try but I just struggle with it.

Yesterday we had the goal of cleaning all day. Yeah um that didn't happen. I did get Jakers' playroom all cleaned and reorganized. So much in fact that I was inspired to set up my profile on the new Wii game we bout "My personal trainer." So I set it up and did a fitness evaluation. I had to enter my resting heart rate and my working heart rate as well as my height, weight, etc. In the end it told me that I was not in the weight range of a healthy person. NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I was laughing when they said that. It recommended that I start my working out at 4 times a week for 15 minutes each time. I agreed to the commitment and tried to exit my profile when the bitch in the game said "Make sure you come back tonight for your first workout!" She called me out! So I did, I went back about 4 hours later and did my 15 minutes. I wasn't expecting to feel anything but I can honestly say I was winded and all sweaty. Hey it may be only 15 minutes but at least my ass is up and moving. I figure this combined with my walking should start to show me some more movement on the scale. (I am still hanging out right around the 15 lbs lost area). So I will keep you posted. According to my commitment I am going to workout again tonight (as I was reminded by the bitch on my tv!) so I am interested to see if the routine will be any different tonight. I will keep you posted... BTW Only 16 more days til I meet with the surgeon to find out if I am approved!!

What's been going on...

I spent part of the weekend in Daytona Beach at a conference for school. The food offerings were horrible, Huge muffins, pastries, etc, cookies desserts. Wow. I did the best that I could in resisting and I packed my crystal light mix ins to drink so I was just fine in the beverage department. One of the people I roomed with was sick so now I am fighting off her sickness. I have felt like crap for the past 3 days and there is no end in site! I weighed myself yesterday and I still managed to loose a pound. All things considered I am ok with that. That shows that my choices weren't the worst I could have done. So, now I am down to 15 lbs lost and I an content with that for now.

Sunday when I should have been resting I spent the whole day trying to put together a costume for Jake. Yesterday was his 100th day of school. For the 100th day celebration the kids are supposed to dress up as if they were 100 years old. His costume came out too cute! My next appointments are Next Friday with the dietitian, The 19th with my PCP, and then the 25th with the surgeon. So basically in about 3 weeks I should be getting my date for surgery! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Gasparilla, Golf, and Good news!

This weekend was very busy. I took Jakers over to the Gasparilla Pirate Invasion Children's Parade. I was kind of nervous taking him there by myself because the crowd is usually millions thick. The parade was from 3:30 - 6:30. We got there around 1 and took a shuttle over to avoid the traffic. We found the ticket sales area and were able to buy front row bleacher seats. man this was the way to go... Also, we were conveniently located just yards away from the port-o-potties! (I hate those fricking things) At one point during the duration I did give in and go potty. I actually managed to squeeze both myself, and Jake and our enormous book bag full of beads and not tip the damn thing over! Go Me! I went walking a few time in the past week as the weather has been amazing. Sunday we decided to go golfing for a bit (this means I read and the boys golf.) We had a great time and I got some really cute pictures of Jake. Afterward we met up with some friends for a dinner at Chili's. I did well, I had the chicken fajitas. I ate 3 of the 5" Tortillas with about 1/2 of the chicken (I gave the rest away) and for toppings I used only cheese and ranch dressing. Also i have been bringing my crystal light mix ins with me so I can avoid drinking extra calories. Apparently it is working, when i weighed myself this morning I was down 14 lbs since my original dietitian appointment! Woo Freakin Hoo!!! I am thrilled and I don't feel horrible which makes it even better. Tonight I am making breaded and baked chicken breasts with honey mustard dressing to dip in as well as some sliced and broiled potatoes. I know I know, I'm becoming Suzy Fucking Homemaker! Holla!

Fortunes and family time...

I feel like it has been forever even though it has only been

5 days. It was an exciting long weekend and I came back to an exciting day of work and history.

Friday morning I met with the dietitian and got a "high Five and a great job" We went over the post surgery diet.
Friday night we were getting ready to go out of town, we decided to order PeiWei (an Asian diner, owned by PF CHANGS) for dinner. I had Mongolian chicken with white rice, I ate about 1/2 and the hubby finished mine along with his. I opened my fortune cookie and low and behold my fortune perfectly fit with my formula for success post. I know fortunes are made to apply to everyone but I feel like it was meant to be...

The next morning we headed out to Orlando for a Halloween themed birthday party, it was great we got to hang with some great friends and had a

blast. Jakester dressed u p as a boney pirate! Too cute!

Sunday we went to Animal Kingdom and I have to say, I felt great walking all day, it was chilly but nice out. Animal Kingdom is very hilly and I faired quite well. It felt good. That night after the theme park, my parents returned home and Carrie (my sister) and I took Jake to Downtown Disney. We walked around for quite a bit and then surprised him with a trip to Lego Land. I got out of the store and only spent $50.00! I was quite impressed with myself.

The next morning it was breakfast with extended family, outlet shopping for new baseball cleats (one of Jake's requirements for playing T-Ball) and then we decided to head over to Hollywood Studios to walk around for a bit and take the drawing class. Again, I felt great, it was beautiful out and I felt great walking. Normally I get sluggish and want to chill on a bench but we remained on the go the entire time!

Now it's back to work, If the weekend was any indication, this week will be great!

The Formula for Success

Just to give you a quick bit of background, I am a college Instructor. I teach Medical Insurance Billing and Coding at an Academy in Tampa and I LOVE my job! One of the courses I teach besides my normal curriculum is a course called "Tools for Success." It is basically a work/reference book that is distributed to the students in conjunction with an 8 hr lecture and activities on becoming a successful individual. It is motivating and self empowering and I have alot of respect for this course and I love when I have the opportunity to teach it. So yesterday I was team teaching this course along with 2 other instructors to a group of about 55 students. Miguel (my boss and former professor) did the introduction to the program and Chapter 1 entitled "What it took to get here." I love listening to Miguel lecture, perhaps it was his dynamic presentation that kept my interest in our field to begin with. He is known to dance, beat box, as well a lecture while standing on the table that you are sitting at. (Just for the visual he is a tall and "SLENDER" Puerto Rican, think Marc Anthony). Anyways so as usual I sat there listening, and as he dove into the content he basically drove the point home that the formula for success has only 3 components... Desire + Courage + Determination. Mind you I have taught and heard the Tools for Success lectures many times since it was introduced but this time something clicked. It was my "A-HA" moment as Oprah calls it. That formula, the one I have been lecturing about is the exact formula that I need in order to be successful. The DESIRE to change the way I feel about myself and my current state of health. The COURAGE to endure the process and to trust that my surgeon is going to take care of me. and The DETERMINATION to create the best outcome for myself. WOWZERS! I am totally motivated, I mean more then I thought I could be. I feel great about it! Not to mention when I weighed myself this morning the scale told me I was down 9 lbs from when I started this process on Dec 18. That's 9 lbs in less then a month and I am happy with that. It is at a healthy pace and I don't feel miserable. Yeah for me! Also, 2 people in the past week have asked me if I have been losing weight.. Thank god I can finally say YES! Bring on the lapband! I am totally ready!

Clowns, Calories, and Anxiety.. OH MY!

So many topics, so much to share!

Ok clowns first, Went to the circus yesterday with the Jakester and my sister. Has an amazing time. We were in the 3rd row right in the center, had a great view of everything and Jake was in awe! We got showered with confetti in the end and it was a lot of fun (minus the wrinkled confetti pieces I found in my bra later that evening!) Some pictures are attached. I can not believe the amazing things the acrobats do with their bodies, it is just unbelievable.

Later that evening after dinner Jake "worked out" with me. Lol I have been doing some basic strengthening exercises to get my booty moving again. We did 3 sets of 10 on wall push ups, crunches, chair sits (squats) and calf raises. Today my legs feel like spaghetti, I guess that means it was effective! Jake had a blast exercising with me, he kept telling me I was doing good. LOL! I want to squeeze him to pieces!

I weighed myself this morning and am down a total of 6 lbs. Who knows if it is accurate or not but I will take what I can get!

Can I vent for a sec? (course I can, this is my frickin blog!) So, In return for me doing all the childcare duties in the morning (getting Jake up and fed for school as well as getting myself ready for my 45 minute drive) The hubby makes both mine and Jake's lunch. So this morning I go in the bag to get out the bottle of water I drink on the way to work and there is a huge sandwich in there. Of course I immediately call him and ask why on earth he would pack that. He said "I thought you could eat what you want and throw the rest out." Now mind you he has never fought a weight battle in his life, although he has fought my battle with me the entire time we have been together (almost 11 years!). The first thing I did before responding was count to 10, I had to because I was fit to scream at him. I said calmly." If I had the willpower to eat just what I needed and throw the rest out do you really think that I would be in the predicament that I am in now?" Is it all men who act borderline ignorant or just mine? He seemed to take note of the quasi ugly tone I used and simply said "Point taken." I hope the message I was going for really got across. I would like to screamed and yelled but I contained it since Jakers was in the car! LOL!

Ok so we covered clowns and calories, moving right along to anxiety... I am scared to death! I have never had major surgery before and I am seriously scared about the anesthesia. A friend of mine who had gastric bypass said she felt the same way but she is so glad that she went through with it. I am just nervous that the closer I get to the surgery date the more anxious I am going to feel. UGH! One of the things that I know I need to do is write a will just in case but that has me tripping out as well. I just don't know what to think. By all means I fully intend to go through with this but man oh man are my nerves on edge!

Saggy Ass Rocks!

So... (why do I always start my posts with "so"? I have no idea but it seems to get the point across so (haha) I will continue.) I have been noticing some odd happenings with my pants but chalked it up to the possibility of the pants being stretched out or maybe they weren't fully dry or something. The first 2 days back I didn't feel like dressing up so I wore scrubs and they were a little roomier but I didn't make anything of it. Well, low and behold, today I put on a pair of dress slacks and I have saggy ass yet again! And these pants are like my tighter pants, so imagine my surprise when the sag was noticed this morning by the hubby. SA-WEET! I have been still watching my intake (I figure I get more restrictive about foods now post-surgery should go a tad easier) doing the yogurt for breakfast thing, a sensible lunch and then a lighter dinner, plus me and the hubby and occasionally Jakester have been walking every other day. The scale hasn't really been too friendly but I am keeping myself down to only checking my weight 1 time a week so we shall see what happens come Monday. For now, Its just me and my saggy ass! (*note to self, that could possibly be a one hit wonder for the country music market!*) Anyways, more later!

back to the norm...

So today has me completely off. After having a well deserved 2 week break from work today is my first day back. I feel out of sorts! I got used to sleeping in with Jake and getting up at 6 this morning really threw me for a loop! Not to mention that I had to lecture twice today so that is never fun.
I started my exercise routine yesterday. I made it through a mile at a really good pace and plan on going walking again tonight. It was suggested that I start off kind of basic to recondition my body back into the swing of things. So I am doing what I was told to do (that's a first, I know!)
I was kind of bummed because I weighed myself and I gained back the 4 lbs I lost. What the hell? I have been a yogurt for breakfast water drinking machine. Oh well, We shall chalk it up to the holidays and move on trying again this week.
Went to a hockey game Saturday night, hence the pic above... Love my Lightning! Go Bolts!
On the agenda for tonight is another walk around the neighborhood followed by dinner at mom's.
I'll post more often now that I am back at work.

Happy 2009!

Wow. I can not believe it's 2009! 2008 just flew by. I have officially decided that I am not going to make any resolutions for the new year because resolutions always seem to get broken. I am however looking forward to the amazing changes that I have in front of me!

New year's eve was spent picking Unc up from the airport and doing dinner with the family. Then a night of catchphrase and firepit ensued! It was alot of fun and I actually made it up til midnight! Go me! Major accomplishment! I know I know I am getting boring in my old age! ha!
Anywho, this morning it was back over to the parents for a New Year's brunch. I was conservative with my food choices and I feel good about it!

Happy Happy 2009! (Imagine me holding up an imaginary drink) Here's to health, happiness, and a successful surgery! Holla!